What Happens After Letting Go?

Happy new year. I hope your Solstice, Christmas, Hannukah, Yule, Kwanzaa, and new year was fabulous. It’s such a magical and powerful time of year. It’s the time of new beginnings, and so I have some news to share with you!

It starts with a really unexpected and magical experience that I had this Winter Solstice. Before I get into that, I want to thank everyone who tunes in and supports the show with likes, shares, reviews, and comments. It means the world to me and I appreciate your support. Some of you reached out over Christmas to share your appreciation for the podcast, and hearing from you means a lot to me. You know, life’s all about reciprocity, so as long as I have your support, I will be here.

Alright so about 7 years ago, I was at Stonehenge facilitating a spiritual tour. I had been to Stonehenge before, but it’s always crowded and you have to stay on the paved walkway so you don’t get to get up close to the stones. It’s impressive, but there are so many distractions and obstacles that it’s hard to get a feel for the place. Nothing special ever happened there for me until that trip 7 years ago.

The site has this simulation of the sunrise at, I’m not sure if it’s the winter or summer solstice, but it’s a solstice. My group and I are standing at the center of that and the virtual visual is all around. The sky is dark, but a streak of light begins to cut the darkness. And as the sun is coming up, it is like I am there. Everything just disappears all around me and I am actually there at sunrise a thousand years ago. I can’t see the gift shop, the guide, or the people all around me. I can’t hear the tourists talking. I am there. 

It feels different. It feels as if I have traveled back in time. My body feels different. The air and time feel different. The air feels cool, but charged with excitement and yet a strange calm to it, too. The sun’s rays coming through the darkness take my breath away. It’s not a normal sunrise. It is like the gods are coming through the sky and this big energy opens up and becomes available to everyone in that circle. 

It lasts only a moment, but I have a hard time finding my grounding again when I come back. I can’t believe that no one else notices. It is like time wrinkled and I am there and here at the same time. It was definitely interesting.

Fast forward to Winter Solstice 2022. I set my alarm to watch the livestream of the sunrise at Stonehenge. Mind you, sunrise is at 8:11 Wiltshire time, which is 3 in the morning for me. So, I get up, meditate, and then tune in. 

It’s England, so it’s overcast. There is no way to see the sun at all, but I know the moment the sun is over the horizon because I can feel it in my body. I’m sitting crossed legged, and it feels like this tiny electrical sword pierces my skull, drips down my brain to my thymus area and vibrates for about 10 seconds. It’s not powerful. It’s a rather low level sensation. On a scale of 1 to 10, I’d say it’s about a 3, so not strong, but definitely present. It drops down to about an intensity of 1 and then lingers for the next two hours or so, but my head doesn’t feel right for the rest of the day. It feels buzzy. I’m both energized and exhausted at the same time.

I am not sure what happened, but I have to work that day, so I don’t really have a lot of time to ponder it. Being that I am so wiped out, I fall asleep early that night.

Well, that night I have a crazy dream. I am always lucid, but this went to a different level. It is fully sensory. I can see, feel, taste, touch, and hear everything. The color is more vibrant than anything I’ve ever seen. And since I am lucid, I am completely aware that I am also asleep in my room. I’m walking with this person who is not speaking to me with his mouth. He’s telling me things telepathically and showing me things in a world that looks similar to this one, but not quite. 

I get this buzzy feeling in my head again. I’m seeing in a different way, not just visual. There is another dimension to it that I can’t put into words because we don’t have words for it. Then I get this feeling like data is being put into my brain. It all makes sense at the time, but when I wake up again, I can’t recall any of it.

Anyway, all that is to say that I had some type of experience during the winter solstice that I’m characterizing as spiritual that had a lot to it, but as it confirmed to me that I need to do in a different direction with the podcast. See, the podcast started as a way to bridge the experience from therapy or my spiritual tours to everyday life. It’s both the way to keep that magical energy alive after the big “ah ha” and keep growing.

A couple of tours ago, I had someone on the tour with me who said that during the tour, a light turned on for her. It’s not the first time that has happened and she wasn’t the first one. But I knew what she meant. It’s like that for me on tour, too. I get to this other level, and if I don’t nurture it, it can fade away and life goes right back to the way it was.

What’s the point of that? We want to hold on to the magic, right?

So, the podcast was intended to be a way to keep that spiritual tour high alive. I thought it was about turning on the light inside and keeping it on, and the podcast started out with that focus. But after going down that path for a moment, that didn’t seem right.

When I asked someone who was so enthusiastic about her experience what it did for her, she said it helped her to let go. That felt more right, so I started again down that path.

Sometimes we don’t get it right on the first try. I believe that it’s better to get moving and figure it out along the way than to sit still and wait until you have it perfect before getting started because that’s a sure fire way to never get started. So, we switched tracks. 

I don’t know if you could tell from the winter solstice podcast, but I think that the winter solstice is the most sacred, most powerful time of the year. When I was doing that podcast, it hit me that letting go isn’t what it’s all about. That’s just the beginning. That’s being on the threshold of death. It’s the doorway to the whole rest of the life experience. Once you surrender and let go, there are a whole bunch of different obstacles to overcome. 

We don’t just let go, die, and then transform. No, for a lot of people, letting go kicks off a whole dark night of the soul. It’s the beginning of flailing wildly as you free fall through nothingness with nothing to hold on to, nothing to aim for, and no idea where to go or what to do next because everything you knew before is gone. That’s what an awakening is all about. It’s when you experience something so profound that it knocks your socks off and nothing is ever the same again.

When you surrender completely, it can be a letting go of everything you’ve ever known - your family, your name, your assumptions, job, habits, everything. You have to remake your life from scratch, and when something so powerful happens that it all falls away, you have no choice.

Sometimes it’s something physical like a death, natural disaster, a job loss, illness, or divorce. Sometimes it’s a healing event or something spiritual, like my moment at the winter solstice. But you just know that you can’t go on the way you were before. It just doesn’t work anymore. It’s not real or true.

And even though that’s a super important moment, it’s just a moment. Death is a doorway, not the end. There is another whole journey after that that’s just as important as getting to the point of being willing to let go. 

Most of us aren’t self-aware, healthy or well supported enough to let go, trust and let the forces that guide our path lead us to a path of safety, confidence, and purpose again. I thought we were, but on Sept 1, I set a challenge for myself to engage in 365 days of letting go. New Year’s Eve was day 122 of that and through that process, I’m finding out that saying, “Just jump” is a freak out for most people. They don’t have the trust, safety, or the experience to do that.

I know. It should have been obvious, but it wasn’t. Part of what helped me to realize that is that I have a coaching practice where I help people knock out blocks without having to talk about it. A session is twenty-five minutes, and it’s common for me to help people let go of at least one block in a session, sometimes up to three. We just go in, and bang, bang, bang, knock it out. It could be something like a fear of flying, a heartbreak, or uncertainty about something. 

Most of my clients already have a relationship with me. They already feel safe with me, so when I ask them to do something, they trust me and just do it. So, I started doing these free group events where I do the same thing, but most of these people who show up don’t know me from Adam. My techniques are pretty unconventional and they are probably thinking, “What witchcraft is this?” They don’t trust and are pretty resistant.

And although I was really motivated to help people heal - because your pain is my pain - and if there is less pain in the world, it helps everyone - it wasn’t really working well. And let’s face it, even if it did, if the person doesn’t have a firm foundation to rebuild from, their distress might be less, but they will still be functioning at pretty much the same level because in most cases, that one block isn’t the thing that is holding up their growth and healing. The whole paradigm needs to change.

A person who lives a Steve Wilcos or Maury Povich lifestyle isn’t going to change because I help them move on from a broken heart. They’re going to go right back into the same behaviors with the same people and live the same lifestyle because the mindset is the same. All that’s happened is that one little boo boo doesn’t hurt anymore. 

When I talked about living seasonally two podcasts ago, that’s the systemic change that I’m talking about. It’s about moving from surviving to thriving while following the path of nature. The sun rises and sets. It does it every day. The arc of life follows that same pattern of breathe in, breathe out. The seasons follow the same pattern of winter, spring, summer, and fall and back again. It’s the same all around the world for all people. 

But we’ve become so traumatized that we’re not even in our own bodies, much less connected to other people or nature as a whole. A pathway that takes us from Surviving to Thriving is just what most of us need because it’s natural and it’s general enough that we can all use it and personalize it in a way that fits with our beliefs and values.

So, let’s look at what I mean.

Surviving is the winter. It’s that dark night of the soul. It’s the place just past surrendering and letting go. If you think of a red acorn that has fallen to the ground, this could be a good way of visualizing the toughness required for the surviving phase.

The first hurdle is that it has to be carried away from the parent tree. The parent has too shady of a canopy for the acorn to sprout here. This makes sense because it would compete for nutrients. So a squirrel or some other animal has to move it some place else. The acorn has to separate from the parent so it can flourish.

Next, it has to avoid being infested by beetles, eaten by squirrels, mold, rotting, and not getting too hot or dry. Sometimes squirrels bury acorns and forget where they put them. With about three months of cold and a forgetful squirrel, this could finally lead to a red oak to sprout. 

That’s a lot, right? The dark night of the soul is like that. It’s not easy. Lots of things have to fall into place just right. It’s a struggle. I call winter the season of survival because things like that could be in play when you’re in that place. 

You may need to get away from a place where you can’t flourish. You may need some help and some luck. You’re vulnerable, so you have to avoid things that can knock you off your feet. You definitely need to chill out, rest, and down regulate your nervous system so you can blossom again when you’re ready. 

But lots of people live in this state. They think it’s normal because it’s all they’ve known. They don’t know how to chill out. Maybe they don’t even know that they are in survival mode. They can’t know until they leave it, feel safe, and exhale. So, safety is super important in this phase. 

But when we get through this phase, it’s like a light comes on. We are starting to believe that we’ve got the goods. We’ve done something amazing, and that can give us the confidence and belief that we can do even more.

But spring comes in like a lion. It’s not a picnic either. There is a promise of more ease, but it’s not here yet. So I call this phase Coping. We’re not in crisis mode anymore, but we still have a lot to learn.

Going back to our little seedling, if you grow anything, you know that you plant 2 or 3 seeds for every plant that you hope to have because seedlings are frail. Making it through germination is just the beginning. So, as humans, we learn to cope.

Coping boosts our skills so that crises turn into problems, and problems turn into incidents. The only difference between them is the amount of energy we use to resolve them. When it’s easy, it’s an incident. When it’s overwhelming, it is a crisis. It might be the same issue because it really has nothing to do with the event. It has everything to do with us, our resilience, confidence, support, our resources, and how well we think on our feet and manage our lives. 

Take road rage. Someone can zip in in front of you and you wave them in. It doesn’t bother you at all. Or you might be slightly irritated and think that they are inconsiderate. Or you could blow up and drive aggressively and chase them down. It’s all the same event. What changed was your interpretation and response. That’s Coping. That’s spring.

It’s when our little acorn has turned into a sprout, then a sapling. It’s still pretty frail. It’s got some new challenges - like wind and too much rain or not enough rain. Winter was a way to test our courage and toughen up. Now we have to build some muscles and skills.

Summer is the season of what I call Vibing. Vibing is all about you. So in the human life span, this would be adulthood. You’ve gone through the initiation into adulthood. You’ve separated from your parents and you’re figuring out who you are. You’re practicing being a sovereign individual who makes decisions based upon your beliefs. You do things that you want to do and make your life a reflection of you.

It’s a time to discover who you are and to put that into practice so you have a lived sense of it. That’s really the only way to know for sure that you are who you think you are. It’s easy to go along with the crowd on politics or religion, but until you live it, how do you really know?

Summer is a time for self-exploration. It’s about freedom and doing you. And when you figure out who you are, how to provide and care for yourself, what makes you laugh, how you like to express yourself, and how to share yourself - I call that Vibing. It’s feeling good and strong in who you are. That’s the season of summer.

Then comes Tribing, or autumn. We’ve all heard that you can’t love anyone until you love yourself. In the summer, you did that. You learned how to love yourself and autumn is the season of we. It’s time to extend that love to others and live in community. It’s time for family, friends, and neighbors. It’s a time for building a legacy and giving something back. We did a lot of taking during the Vibing stage and we’ve got to balance that out now by giving. 

Hopefully, we’ve built up a little something and we have enough to share. That might be money or it could be goodwill and a helpful nature. But we have ourselves figured out and now we’re in a place to volunteer, build something, or be a part of something bigger. 

Autumn is a time of middle age to elder hood, but it doesn’t have to wait until that long. It could certainly happen at a younger stage. I know there are many communities where people live together communally, but I haven’t seen it done very successfully by younger people. I’m not saying it can’t happen. I’m just saying I haven’t seen it. 

What I’ve seen is a bunch of people who want to have a family or tribe who haven’t figured out who they are yet, so there are a lot of problems with boundaries, sharing space, emotional boundaries, and sharing resources. This is why I say you have to do Vibing successfully first before you can have a successful tribe. 

I’ve certainly been in that position. I’ve shared often about how I grew up in a really warm and close family and that I am like a turtle who takes my family picnic blanket wherever I go and roll it out so others can join me there. 

Well, I’ve hosted a meetup group for a long time. There have been different focuses over the years, but what I have noticed is that a lot of people want what they can get. They aren’t team players and either don’t know how to Tribe or don’t want that level of intimacy, authenticity, or honesty. Maybe it’s uncomfortable and they like to keep it superficial or transactional. I don’t know, so Tribing is not for everyone. I don’t say that with judgment. I’m just reiterating that it’s a hard road if you haven’t successfully done the Surviving, Coping, and Vibing stages first. 

As a coach and therapist, I hear a lot of people complain about their partners saying that the other person isn’t present, or that they don’t know how to share space, or that they are selfish. That’s what I am talking about. Until someone grows past that stage, they aren’t really ready for Tribing. Remember, Tribing is about “we.” 

If you think of toddlers, they do this thing called parallel play. They play side by side, but without actually interacting with each other. They are in the same space at the same time, but they are having a solo experience in the presence of another person rather than having a relationship. Until we successfully navigate these stages, having a relationship is like that. 

What really helps, though, is having an established space where they can learn that. It’s a whole lot easier to learn it if there are a few strong anchors who can contain the space and teach people through modeling. Everyone won’t get it to the degree that they will be able to take it with them when they leave the space, but enough people will get it that the space retains its safe integrity.

I’ve been to ecstatic dance spaces that were like that. I’ve also been to rituals that had that well held containers. I’ve been to many ethnic family parties or weddings like that. My tours definitely have that space, and my Tribe does too. Another space is the monthly talking circle. So, there are places where you can experience it. It’s helpful if you have regular access to them, but even a little exposure is better than nothing - especially if you have never been in a safe space like that where people of all ages and backgrounds can mingle comfortably. I think it’s very hard to learn this without role models and safe spaces. Reading about it doesn’t work. 

And finally there is the Thriving space. Thriving is where mind, body, emotions, and spirit are balanced and whole. It’s where I can be me. You can be you. We can coexist in authentically without stepping on each other’s toes, and the whole rest of the universe can be there too. So there is space for other people of different ages, genders, ethnicities, politics, spiritual paths, and sexual orientations. We’re all just people, you know? 

And the plants, animals, and mineral kingdom are respected and considered in how we move in the world. We’re all just relating to each other, considering each other, and doing what is best for the big picture. So, we’re part of the whole. I might be the peas, you’re the carrots, and someone else is the potatoes in a stew, but it’s all stew. It’s not all about me and what I want. It’s not about getting my needs met at the expense of everyone else. It’s about big picture we. Another way to think of it is that if the “we” in Tribing is a couple, friends, or a community, the we of thriving is the whole universe. 

If you think about the USA, we were founded on freedom, which I fully embrace. But we didn’t have equal opportunity for that freedom. In fact, some of our people were enslaved. And some were treated as second-class citizens because of their gender, money, skin color, religion, ethnicity, education level, or who knows what else. 

We have a long legacy of might makes right, and if I could push you around to get what I wanted, then that’s what happened. That attitude of ruling through fear, intimidation, or might is the opposite of what I’m talking about. Thriving is about trusting, giving, and sharing. 

And it would be silly to trust someone who hasn’t gone through the Vibing stage who knows himself and can provide for himself yet, right? It would be silly to trust someone who hasn’t learned how to play nice with others yet, right? 

But once we have that experience, it’s so easy to open your heart and embrace the land, the ancestors, and the Otherworld. As your fear calms down, your heart opens, and then your spirit center opens where you have more access to connection to the spiritual realms. 

And this is really important for the Thriving stage of the wheel because this is also the season of elder hood. We don’t have a lot of elders in our society right now. We have old people, but they haven’t successfully navigated the wheel. They can’t lead. And we desperately need leaders to show us the path forward. Autumn is the season of death. We’re always walking toward some death or another. And eventually it will be the final death.

Elders share their wisdom so that we can do that with courage, compassion, humility, grace, and pride. Being old isn’t equated with being wise these days because so many old people aren’t wise. It’s time to reclaim the honor and reverence that comes from having walked the earth and survived for so long. And we can’t have that leadership if the other parts of the wheel aren’t well traveled.

Believe it or not, the vast majority of what I do as a coach is fill the role of elder. I have a really high regard for that title and am not blowing myself up. I don’t feel I have earned that title yet, so that’s not the point of me telling you this. I’m saying this to point out that many people have nowhere to turn to in their lives when they need an elder. They either don’t have someone they trust or they don’t have someone who has the knowledge that they need.

Even if they do, people die. And as those who walk in front fall away, it’s up to those behind to step up. If you’re not moving in that direction, when you get there, you’re going to not only let down those behind you, but you’ll be flailing. So, the best way to avoid that is to pay attention to what life is giving you and adapt as you move through.

Every day I talk to someone who says, “I wish I had known this sooner.” It doesn’t really matter what they are talking about, but whatever it is that they didn’t know could have been avoided had they had elders to consult. So, let’s grow ourselves into those elders. So, when the time comes where we’re the ones in front leading the way, we’ll know what to do.

We’re all getting older. We can’t count on the giants who show the way to always be there. We have to step up, move out of the shadows, and let ourselves be seen. That’s one of the ways we acknowledge each other in my Tribe - we say, “I see you.” I know of nothing more powerful than telling someone that you see them. So, be someone who is not afraid to be seen. Be a leader. 

So, do you see why “let it go” wasn’t really enough? Because once we’ve done the Thriving part, the next step is to blow it all up and do it all over again so we can experience something different, to go deeper, to feel a different aspect of it, or who knows? but life moves in a circle. 

Standing still makes us stagnant. And moving in a straight line just isn’t natural. Pursuing that path isn’t in alignment with nature. Now, I know some people may want to make it so. I’ve certainly had clients who told me that they were limitless and didn’t have to come back down to earth. Who am I to argue? Maybe they are right, but when I look at the sun, it goes up and down every day. The moon gets empty and full. What I see is that things move in a circle, so that’s the path I am following, because it just makes more sense to me.

So, what’s the after letting go with the podcast? Well, I’m going to be talking about the whole life process from the lens of the wheel of life and how to navigate it. We’re not all in the same phase and letting go ends. There is life after letting go. I’m sure you want to know how to do that part too, right? 

So, what’s coming is a revamp to include all aspects of the wheel of life. This isn’t life according to Laura. It’s life according to what’s happening in nature, so maybe this winter I am focusing on finding my warrior energy and you are focusing on resting. Maybe I am focusing on getting in touch with my feminine energy (because we’re in a feminine energy time of year) and you are focusing on establishing healthy boundaries. All of that is the energy of earth and winter. 

The more you do that, the more you will see that “as within, so without.” You will start to see how divinely supported you already are because you will start to see these themes everywhere. When the Moon phase changes, you may notice the shift in the way that you think and feel. And slowly, you will learn how to read the signs in nature and hear the whispers of your ancestors on the breeze. You will begin to trust yourself and feel a part of the universe rather than a spectator or someone who sees everything as a resource for your survival or pleasure.

Trust me. It’s a far more pleasant experience to feel a sense of connection to all aspects of life rather than apart from it.

The revamp is in process. I still have a free membership for the Tribe and everyone is welcome to join us over there. There is a lot of restructuring going on inside the Tribe for Premium members. The topics on the podcast will broaden. I realize that this means that we will lose some people, but if you’re growing, that is going to happen anyway, so if this means that we’re parting ways, I thank you for being here and wish you well along your new journey. And if this is your first podcast and you’re just starting your relationship with us, you are very welcome.

As of right now, the free monthly talking circle is still happening. The next one is Saturday, January 7. If you want to experience that, check out the show notes and see how you can join virtually. 

I’ve added a Youtube channel. There isn’t much there yet, but it’s Surviving to Thriving. If you are a YouTuber, please check it out and subscribe. I will have some teasers free video content on there that can give you some ideas about what’s inside the Premium community on Youtube. 

I didn’t see this coming. It all happened in a whirlwind, but I like to listen to my intuition. Especially when it comes on so strongly as it did on the winter solstice. I encourage you to do the same once you have a strong foundation and can tell the difference between a wish, a whim, and a true inspiration. Moving through the wheel of life can help with that.

I am super filled with gratitude for everyone who has been along this journey with me so far. Thanks for tuning in. I’m Laura Giles for Surviving to Thriving.