The Hero's Journey: Return With the Elixir

What do I want them to think? That the hard part of the journey is the integration.

What do I want them to do? Join the community so that they have support for that part of their journey.

Howdy, guys! It’s Laura Giles with Surviving to Thriving. Thanks for being here with me. I had something else planned to talk about today that flows with the energy of Spring and the element of Air, but we’ve been having private conversations in the Surviving to Thriving Academy on the Hero’s Journey, and I wanted to share part of that with you because it’s really juicy and important to think about when you’re on a journey of transformation, and of course traveling around the sacred wheel is just that.

So, if you are a first time listener or a long time listener, welcome. If you enjoy the podcast, I’d ask you to subscribe and let me know what the hardest part of your journey of awakening was and how you got through it. Thanks.

In season one of the podcast, I think it was the second podcast ever actually, I talked about the Call to Adventure. This is when we are cozy and comfortable in the mundane world doing our day to day thing, and then something happens that makes us sit up and go, “Whoa. Wait. I need to really be doing something different.” Maybe it’s something tasty like you have a really amazing experience like a dream or a ritual. Or it could be something devastating like a death or a job loss. Whatever it is, it prompts you to set off in search of something - like finding out your dad isn’t who you thought he was and beginning the search for who he was and who you are. 

There is a whole lot of steps before you get to the end, but the last stop - assuming you don’t give up and are successful in your quest - is coming back with the elixir. This is a phrase that means you found what you were searching for or something more, and you return home with this thing to bless your community with it. And this is where the whole thing can fall apart.

You see, when you go on the hero’s journey, you start in the known, mundane world. When you cross the threshold, you’re entering into the unknown. It’s a magical, spiritual type of place where transformation happens. You’re soaring with the angels or the gods and doing amazing things. Then your feet come back down to earth and you’re back with these people who have no understanding of what you endured or what any of it means, and you’re trying to share this with them and in some cases are getting crazy looks.

Now if your journey is something that people can relate to like weight loss, making money, recovering from cancer, or recovering from heartbreak, that’s something that people can identify with, you’ll have no problem with going from surviving to thriving from something like that. You have lots of company and support. But if it’s a spiritual journey like many of us in the Surviving to Thriving group are undertaking, it can feel like you’ve transformed into a griffin or a phoenix and have come back a complete stranger to your community. You’ve become a two headed monster and they all think you’re a freak.

It can feel the same for our soldiers who endure combat. I talked about this in the podcast about the Warrior archetype, but imagine this. A nineteen year old new recruit goes to basic training, does his A school and then is sent to a combat zone. He’s only ever held a weapon in boot camp and has only fired a few shots, and now he’s responsible for going on patrols and possibly shooting people? How does he come home to Thanksgiving dinner and Monday night football after that? 

I had a friend who was a Mormon. I have no idea what he was doing in the Marines, but he was on duty in the jungle and someone came up on his position at night. I think he was at a check point or guarding a gate or something like that. Anyway, he told him to halt several times, but the person kept advancing. My friend shot him. There are no words to tell you how much that messed him up. He was never the same after that. 

Our soldiers can’t come back with the elixir because one of the requirements for coming back with the elixir is that the community knows of your journey, supports it, and wants what you’re bringing back. 

In regard to our soldiers, most of society blocks out what soldiers do. If we held an awareness of that in our consciousness, we would have fewer soldiers all over the world. We would have a greater awareness of the cost in lives that we pay for sending them all over. We wouldn’t let our sons, brothers, and fathers make that sacrifice for us because life is precious. So, our community doesn’t know of the journey because we bury our heads in the sand. We don’t support it for the same reason. 

What does the soldier bring back? PTSD in most cases. They aren’t bringing back culture or freedom or happy stories. They are bringing back nightmares and suicidality. They aren’t being initiated into warrior hood. They are treated like disposable, invisible rags. 

When we live in a world where an influencer can make a million dollars on youtube for losing weight and we applaud that journey and transformation, but a soldier gets disability, VA benefits, and PTSD, there is something wrong with our culture, guys.

Another common journey where coming back with the elixir can create more separation is the journey of the addict. This is why 28 day hospitalization programs fail. The person with addiction leaves the system that created and supports the addiction. They find safety, support, and healthier habits. They begin to feel better, then they return to the sick community and are expected to be “healed.” 

That doesn’t work. We have it totally backward. The addict isn’t the issue, it is the unhealthy environment that spawned them and sustains the addiction. Until we fix that, there is no returning with the elixir and no way to benefit the community.

You see, we might undertake the hero’s journey for ourselves, but if we can’t share it, the integration is incomplete. This is why many addicts go into rehab over and over. We all have a yearning to belong. It’s why there are so many love songs that say something like, “It all means nothing without you.” When the addict drinks or uses again, it’s a way of saying, “This is what I do to fit in” or “this is how I cope with fitting in.”

I once visited this community where everyone drank. It was a “two martini after work” type of culture and then lots of drinking on the weekend. I don’t drink at all. I don’t judge people for drinking. I don’t really care. I just have no tolerance, and I don’t have the enzymes to digest alcohol, so I don’t drink. And boy was I made to feel like an outcast because of it. I really felt pressured to either conform or go somewhere else, so I went elsewhere. I don’t know how people who have a problem with alcohol cope with social pressure like that. We all want to belong.

We share really simple pleasures in the Surviving to Thriving group. We have gone hiking together, watched the meteor shower, had crafting parties, gone foraging together - just wholesome, simple things. Nobody has to conform to anything, and that’s the type of holistic, spiritual community that I love. If you have a cool awakening or something you want to share, you can. But if all you have to share is a four leaf clover that you found, you will find a receptive audience for that, too. 

Do you remember the show, Cheers! The theme song said, “Sometimes you want to go where everybody always knows your name and they’re always glad you came.” That’s the type of society that we all need to thrive. We all need a society where we feel we belong and can do something amazing or have an incredible experience, and we can come back, share it, and have a receptive audience.

Imagine if Moses went to the mountain, saw the burning bush and came down and nobody cared. Or they said, “Moses, you’re crazy. You need to get on meds.” The world would be a totally different place, wouldn’t it? 

So coming back with the elixir is dangerous because here you are, you’ve been through hell, and you’ve proven yourself to yourself. You’re now glowing with the divine spark and have in your hands something precious that could be as life changing for your people as fire or the wheel, but you’re returning to the mundane, ordinary human existence. And you know that this could mean that you lose your spark. As hard as every part of the journey has been, this may be the hardest part because it calls upon the hero to be the master of two worlds, the known and the unknown world, the mundane and magical worlds. How do you navigate that in a society that doesn’t care for your magic?

There is a new form of psychotherapy that involves using plant medicine. It’s been used in tribal societies for thousands of years, but now it’s being used in synthetic forms in retreats and clinics all over the world. People use mescaline, DMT, psilocybin, ketamine, and other substances to open their minds, see God, and see the sacred geometry of the matrix. They report that the things they were crushed about before all seem small now and they are so much more open and loving. And once that week is over, they return to the ordinary world full of people who find it kooky or don’t care. 

How do you think that goes over? Do you think the transformation feels complete?

So this integration piece is super important. It’s about keeping what you gained on your travels, incorporating it into your life and identity, and sharing it. Do you imagine someone’s roommate might be saying, “Oh, shut up, Ralph. Your experience sounded amazing the first time I heard it, and now all I want to know is do you want to go to the movies or not?” It happens. A lot.

In the Wizard of Oz, when Dorothy returns home and realizes that she likes her life and everything and everyone in it, that’s an example of returning with the elixir.

In Gone With the Wind, when Melanie dies, Scarlett realizes how stupid and immature she’s been and grows up. Her immaturity and trauma may have cost her her husband, but you see the resolve and clarity in her eyes and you just know that her life won’t be about making money or chasing Ashley anymore.

A more modern example is Moana. She returns with the elixir when she replaces the heart and saves the island from dying. It’s easy to see how she benefits the people because she restores the voyager culture to the people. 

In Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, Rudolph leaves his life because he feels he’s a misfit. He has no idea that he’s setting off on a call to adventure, but he faces a lot of problems, grows up, and returns home only to find his family gone. He goes after them, rescues them from the Abominable Snowman, and then returns with the elixir - the elixir being self-acceptance and self-esteem. Fortunately, he has a chance to prove to the community the value of his shiny nose and they accept him, too.

But it’s not that neat in real life. You see, we all have an elixir. We all have a light inside that might be something that others don’t value. And when we don’t get that validation or appreciation, we can miss the integration piece and end up going around the wheel again in search of it.

So, what do you do? Well, I think there are two things. You can be the change. You can be the person who recognizes the value of the struggle and the victory and be the witness and cheerleading squad for someone else. Remember the elixir isn’t just for the hero’s benefit. It’s the whole idea of “If a tree falls and no one hears it, does it make a sound?” If a person finds his inner light and there is no one to see it, does it shine at all? Yeah. Be the mirror that reflects the light back to them so that it continues to shine.

Have some empathy. Even if whatever they are dreaming up is not all that important to you, see the value of it in the big scheme of things. Help. Share it on social media. Volunteer to help them in some way. Tell someone else about it. Connect them to someone who could help further their idea or someone who can benefit from their gifts. 

Listen to their story. I have guests on the podcast to share their struggles and triumphs because I hope that others see themselves in their stories and feel inspired to start their own journey. We all have struggles and triumphs. Listen. It builds compassion and empathy. If we act on that, perhaps the next person won’t have that struggle.

Engage in rites of passage. When we become a society that understands rites of passage and initiations, these rituals will have more power and meaning. Right now we get married and nothing changes. It’s a piece of paper and an expensive party. If you undergo that ritual as a rite of passage, it’s a very different experience, isn’t it? Your identity changes from a single, solo person to someone who belongs to someone else, someone who is part of a family. 

So, if you want to be a part of a society that supports integration after a hero’s journey that can make that transformation complete, be that person that the hero can return to and bestow their benefit on you, or share it with you, or let you witness it. Life is not a solo sport. It’s meant to be connected and relational. 

If you absolutely don’t have that and want that, come to the Surviving to Thriving community. It’s free. Everyone is welcome. We will witness for you and appreciate your journey and your triumph and hold you accountable, if you like, to live the identity that you have earned. 

Think about this. How many people do you know who leave home, move out, go to college, and become their own person, but the moment they return home, they are a little kid again? Their dad is giving them gas money and their mom is telling them what to wear or what to eat. 

This is what I mean. You can’t thrive in a society that doesn’t acknowledge your transformation and your new identity. It’s a buzz kill. You need people who see you, for good or ill. If you want to live naturally and in a meaningful way, honestly is everything.

And the second thing you can do is move through the wheel consciously so that you actually complete the whole journey. I can tell you that most people who come to counseling come because they have a problem. When that problem is over and they are no longer uncomfortable, they stop growing because their biggest desire isn’t transformation. It’s comfort. 

All they want is to feel enough ease to fall back asleep where no one is asking anything of them. If they can sweep everything under the rug and not have to look at it, they are happy enough. If they can pop a pill and turn the warning light off, never mind that their joints are deteriorating or that they have some unresolved emotion. That’s the refusal of the call. 

If you think that’s all there is to life, you won’t ask for more. So learn about the sacred wheel. Learn about the milestones so you can ask better questions and grow. Be curious so you don’t settle on an answer and stop moving. Question what you think you know. Look to nature and let it surprise you.

In my community, we’ve been exploring being embodied and have been dancing a bit. So, I was dancing the other day by myself with colored glasses on, and I was dancing the colors. And it was so strange how differently I felt with yellow glasses versus blue ones. So, I started playing to see if I wore red glasses, which are typically seen as an active, aggressive color and danced to slow, emotional, meditative music, what would that be like? It was really crazy how it just shattered all the rules. Nothing has to be the way we think it does or the way it’s always been. When you are radical and get out of your patterns, transformation is possible.

So dare. Dare to have something more than an existence of survival or coping. There is a poem by Charles Bukowski. I referenced it in season one, but I am going to share it again here because it really captures the spirit of what it’s like to do the hero’s journey. It’s called “Go All the Way.” It says:

If you are going to try, go all the way.

Otherwise, don't even start.

If you’re going to try, go all the way.

This could mean losing girlfriends, wives, relatives, jobs, and maybe even your mind.

It could mean not eating for three or four days.

It could mean freezing on a park bench.

It could mean jail.

It could mean derision, mockery, isolation.

Isolation is the gift.

All others are a test of your endurance, of how much you really want to to do it.

And, you’ll do it, despite rejection and the worst odds.

And it will be better than anything else you can imagine.

If you’re going to try, go all the way.

There is no other feeling like that.

You will be alone with the gods, and the nights will flame with fire.

Do it. Do it. Do it. All the way.

You will ride life straight to perfect laughter.

It’s the only good fight there is.

The only way to lose is to stop playing the game. Have you all seen the movie Pan’s Labyrinth? It’s a fairy tale about a (unintelligible) who comes down to earth and gets trapped her in human form. She forgets who she is and begins her journey back home. One of her tasks is to retrieve (unintelligible) . While she is in this place, she is instructed not to eat anything, but of course she does and awakens a monster. 

And guess what? Even though she didn’t do it perfectly, she got what she wanted and got out of there alive. Then guess what happens? This is a spoiler so skip ahead if you haven’t seen the movie and want to. But at the end, she dies. That’s not how a fairy tale is supposed to end, but her death was a rebirth in the place where she really came from so she could resume her true form. Her return with the elixir was a remembering her true self and reunion with her mother, father, and her community.

So, you can’t lose. And what you think the goal or prize is, might not be the prize. Just keep going and it will all reveal itself to you. 

So, if you want to be part of a group that recognizes the value of community and want to belong to others who want to belong to you, and you don’t have anyone like that, come join us. Experience what it’s like. Go back to your peeps with that elixir and plant seeds for that where you are so we all have something to come back to. Spread the love.

We need each other, guys. Let’s see each other, support each other, and belong to one another. Thanks for listening. And I would love to hear about a time when you were either wonderfully supported or let down by your community. We can all learn from each other and stories are a great way to do that. And if you have an idea for how to come back with the elixir and keep it when you don’t have a community, I would love to hear that idea. Share it in the comments. See you next week!