Never Feel Anxious Again

Happy solstice, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, Yule, Christmas and whatever holy days you observe at this lovely time of year.

Gifts are not my love language, but I do have a gift for you today that I invite you to use to change your life.

The new year is a time of change, and I am going to give you two skills and three techniques that you can use to transform your life so that you never experience anxiety again. You can gain full mastery of your distress in seconds, and I am going to prove it to you in thirty minutes or fewer. I don’t make claims I can’t back up. I’ve taught this to children, and if they can do it, you can too.

So, let’s get started. The first skill is willingness. People talk themselves out of healing all the time because they don’t believe it, don’t think they deserve it, think it should be harder, and all kinds of nonsense.

Belief is power. Willingness is power.

That brain of yours is a manifesting machine, so be careful what thoughts you allow to come in and which ones you allow to come into the world.

For example, we have all heard of the stories of a patient who overhears the doctor say something like, “Oh, my God. She has blah blah. Nobody survives blah blah’ and the next thing you know, that person who didn’t have a single symptom before is dead in a week. 

That’s the power of suggestion. We call it placebo or nocebo and dismiss it as if it has no power. It has incredible power. I don’t know if you know this, but many placebos perform just as well as pharmaceuticals.

So, if you want to improve, heal, or grow, be willing to let go of whatever is holding you back.

This sounds obvious, but I have encountered many people who want to hold on to their anxiety because they feel that it helps them to stay alert to danger. If this is you, let me tell you something.

We have what I call the “zone.” In this zone, your brain is working well. You can reason and respond logically and consider the big picture. 

When you are in fight or flight, this all goes away. Fight or flight is where you perceive everything as a threat. It’s kill or be killed. It’s flee and survive.

There are no other options. The body has to obey. So what’s going to happen when the objective threat is that you heard a loud noise or loud voices? Or your boss wants a report? Or your partner wants to talk about a touchy topic? 

Nobody is out to kill you, so reacting as if it’s a threat to your life is overkill, right? And yet, how many of us do this all the time? These are not reasons to shut down or explode. If this is how you roll all the time, it might just feel normal to you.

So, trust me when I tell you, I’m talking about you- at least part of the time. We all live in a society that is way overstimulating and need to take time to chill out every day. We have to interrupt that stress response, and the first step to interrupting that pattern is to be willing. Easy enough, right?

If you are a yes, but-ter - meaning that you are the person who has a reason why things don’t work and dismiss them without actually trying them, you’re going to have to practice willingness.

Be willing to be wrong. Be willing to be right. Be open to trying something to see what will happen. There are all kinds of ways to practice willingness.

Cool? Alright, step two is to observe. This is a skill too. The better you get at observing, the more alive you will become, the more options you have, the wise and mindful you become and the better quality of life that you will have.

I know that sounds like another overstatement, but I am not prone to hyperbole. I don’t over promise. If you try it, you will see for yourself that it’s true.

So, observe is to take in data with the senses. What do I see, hear, taste, touch, and smell? It’s objective.

It is repeatable. In most cases, what I observe can be observed by others, although we may come to different conclusions about it. by that I mean, I could be looking at a dress and call it red while someone else might call it maroon or magenta. We all agree that it’s a dress with a color in the red family.

For the purposes of eliminating anxiety, what you want to observe is your body. Specifically, you notice muscle tension. Emotions live in the body. When we make certain movements, specific emotions follow.

We can simulate emotions by creating changes in the brain. We can simulate emotions by moving the body in specific ways. If those movements don’t occur, the emotion can’t exist either. And muscle tension is what creates anxiety and emotional arousal. At the end of this podcast, I will also link that to pain, so be sure to listen to the whole thing.

In a moment, I am going to guide you through this whole process.

There is also a transcript of the broadcast at www.letitgonow.net so you don’t have to write anything down, just listen and then follow along if you are not driving so you can experience this for yourself, okay?

I like to keep things simple. Simple works. So all you have to do is observe where there is muscle tension in your body and release it.

The most common places are the shoulders, throat, neck, head, chest, and abdomen. But for you, it could be your feet or hands. There is no right or wrong. Wherever you notice muscle tension, release it. Make a habit of releasing it. 

Now, I am going to give you three easy things to do to help with that. They all work for all people with a human nervous system.

Remember I said I like to keep things simple, right? If struggle or try really hard, stop. Trying makes it harder. Not being willing makes it impossible. 

So, let’s do a quick body scan. Just use your observe skill and notice how you feel on a scale of 0 to 10 with ten being spectacular. Got your number? 

Now, if you are in a place where you can look straight ahead and not crash and burn, look straight ahead at a spot, then defocus your eyes. Said another way, let the thing you are looking at get blurry.

Now, zoom out so you can see as far right and left as you can without moving your head. So you are engaging your peripheral vision. Hold that for 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. And let your eyes return to normal. How do you rate your body tension and mood now? It’s gone down, hasn’t it? 

It’s easier to practice this when you’re not emotionally aroused, and then use it when you are. That’s the first technique.

Ten seconds is actually a long time. You don’t have to do it that long, but you may have to do it over and over again. For example, if you let yourself get down to a 1, the first time you engage your peripheral vision, it might get you up to a 4. So, you do it again, and you get to 6. You do it again, and you get to 8. You get the idea. 

More is more. It’s like a path. I live in the woods and have deer paths all over the place. The deer and other animals travel the same route along the river and through the woods every day.

They keep doing that out of habit until something happens, like a tree limb falls and blocks the path. So they go another way until a new path is formed.

You’re doing the same thing. You have a pathway in your brain that goes to anxiety or anger or whatever your default is.

We want to extinguish that one and create calm as your default. We only want that fight-or-flight alarm to sound when there is an actual threat, not something like heavy traffic or going out with friends for a drink. Those are normal every day things, not something that wants to kill you. 

Okay, so here is the next technique. All you’re going to do for this one is to relax your tongue and the back of your throat.

So, drop your tongue down and feel your throat open up. Some people say they can breathe better. It’s like they can fill their lungs now. This is good. We want to breathe. 

Easy, right? Everyone can do that in seconds.

The next technique is to relax the muscles in your pelvic region. Lots of people hold tension here. When we say someone is uptight, or a pain the bum, and sometimes stuck up, it’s often because they either have tight pelvic area muscles or make us tighten up there.

So, let’s loosen these muscles. I’m talking about the glutes, the bladder, the vagina, anything that sits in the pelvic bowl. 

Now lots of people have weak pelvic floor muscles. This causes problems too. If this is you, you, you could benefit from Kegel exercises. If you imagine that you are trying to stop urine flow or keep from passing gas, those are the muscles I am talking about.

Just squeeze those without squeezing your bum, thighs, or stomach. For now, though, we want to relax those muscles. 

What’s so special about the back of the throat and the muscles in the pelvis? Well, this is where the vagus nerve begins and ends.

The vagus nerves runs through every major organ in the body so when it relaxes, all of them relax. This is why we target the vagus nerve in trauma therapy. It helps us to release trauma and trapped emotions so we can let them go once and for all.

And the throat and anus is where the vagus is unmyelenated. This makes it more sensitive, so you get more bang for your buck and it’s easier to produce quick change. But don’t take my word for it. Let’s experience it.

Do a quick body scan and observe any tension in your body. Rate that from 0 to 10 with ten being the most amazing and relaxed that you can feel. Now, we’re going to relax those pelvic muscles for 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1. Now body scan again. Where are you now? It’s lower, right?

You really want to practice this several times a day - like 20. It will help to build a mind/body connection so you can take better care of yourself. Stress is the number one contributor to disease and, as I said, the western lifestyle is high stress all day long.

If you have headaches, irritability, teeth grinding, weight gain, decreased sex drive, insomnia, depression, addiction issues, digestive issues, high blood pressure, irregular heart beat, wake up anxious, or have diabetes, you have stress issues.

Chilling out for a few seconds multiple times a day will help. It takes ten seconds or fewer.

The impact on your body doesn’t matter if the stress is caused by finances, relationship, or being in a war zone.

It still responds in ways that can make us feel foggy, drain our energy, and contribute to premature aging. We can mentally adapt to it and normalize it, so we don’t notice, but the impact to the body continues to impact our health and functioning.

Did that drive your stress up? Let’s check your body again and do the tongue and throat now. Everybody ready? Alright, relax the tongue and throat for 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, and 1. And do a recheck. How’s your body now?

I actually did that on purpose to show you how quickly our stress goes right back up. More is more. The more you practice this, the bigger your window of tolerance becomes before you get to the alarm state, but your nervous system is always on the job.

It’s always scanning for danger. When you make time to relax your muscles, it’s like soothing the nervous system to say, “It’s alright.”

Now you have the keys to never feeling anxious again. Really. It’s that simple. All you have to do is follow through and use them. 

I had someone say, “I wish I learned this when I was a kid.” Kids can learn. I have taught this to many kids. I have this heart rate biofeedback tool.

You hook it up to you and it shows you your tension level. So, I hooked myself up and showed them that I could make the rate go down in the space of a breath or two. I showed them how to do it and then we had a race to see who could do it the fastest. 

If kids can learn to do it in seconds, so can you. It really is the key to health, better relationships, feeling better about yourself, and more competency because you lose all that brain fog and don’t have to work so hard at things.

Everything is easier when you are relaxed.

If you did sports, you know this, right? I was on the swim team as a kid and I’d always start out strong with lots of adrenaline. I tried so hard, but I finished slow.

Once I figured out how to breathe and take it easier, I could swim forever without tiring. The same is true for everything.

Did you know that tantra includes all the elements I talked about? Yep, observe. You take in everything and savor it. You relax, keep your muscles soft and the experience of everything is far more sensual.

You feel it deeper, and it can last forever. I know we associate tantra with sex, but it’s really a lifestyle. Who doesn’t want a sensuous, meaningful, relaxed lifestyle? I mean, it’s a no brainer, right? 

I said I would talk about how to use this for pain. The technique for pain is exactly the same. The only difference is that you add deep breathing and stay focused on the breath.

I actually have a story of my own for how this works. You see, I am one of the rare people who aren’t impacted by local anesthesia. It either doesn’t impact us at all or wears off very easily.

It’s common for people who have Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, which is a rare genetic disease characterized by defects in connective tissue that leads to hyper mobility, fatigue, skin that bruises easily and pain. 

I actually don’t have that, so I guess I am a freak of nature, but I found this out one day while at the dentist.

They shot me up and started working on me and I said, “I can feel that!” So, they shot me up again, gave it a minute, and started working on me again. Again, I said, “I can feel that!” They said, “No, it’s just pressure, it’s not pain.”

Well, I know the difference between pressure and pain, but I had to get this procedure done, so I sucked it up. I relaxed my muscles and started deep breathing. I kept my mind focused on my breathing and relaxing.

I would not let my mind stray from breathing and relaxing and I got through the whole thing with no pain. And let me tell you. I felt so high. I couldn’t drive home. I was starving because you can’t eat if you’re going to have anesthesia.

So, I went to get something to eat thinking that would ground me. I ate with no problems - even though I just had all that work done. There was no pain. No swelling, and no negative after effects. I go to a natural dentist so he doesn’t give pain killers, he gives arnica, but I didn’t even have to use it. It is the best. 

So, while I would prefer to know that I could take something and relax, if you can’t or nothing is available, you can take charge of your own internal environment and make it happen. 

This works for emotional pain, too. Just breathe, relax, and think about the thing that you can’t think about. Dip in and out.

I wouldn’t sit there for long periods of time. Do ten seconds and stop. Do twenty seconds and stop. Just keep going until you can think about it without any emotional arousal.

When we - meaning therapist and coaches - say the key to healing is to feel your emotions, this is what we mean. There is no hiding from our feelings. We either feel them, or put them away where they are building up and waiting for a crack to explode out. 

Living requires us to be here and interact with whatever shows up. If you want to be a positive, loving force, you have to learn how to discharge your pain and feel your feelings.

I’ve just given you the keys, guys. 

Here is what I am asking you for in return. Share this podcast. Share it with people you love so that they have the skills to do better and be better.

Share it with people who hurt you. Hurt people hurt people, and when they heal, they stop hurting others. You can interrupt the cycle of pain and abuse right now by doing your own work and sharing this with others. It’s easy, fast, and costs nothing, but at the same time, it’s priceless.

No pain, I don’t care how deep or big it is, has to last forever. You can start chipping away at it until it’s gone. 

Oh! And I can’t forget to tell you this! There are lots of people searching for a way out of their pain through spirituality. I host spiritual tours, so I know the power of that. Here’s the thing.

When you have control over your nervous system and your baseline is in that zone I was talking about, you are way more likely to have spiritual connections with nature, people, and the other-than-human realms. It’s all about how the brain works.

The details are food for another podcast, but this is why plant medicine works so well. It bypasses our baseline and provides a direct connection. 

And what happens when the drugs wear off? People have to go back and do it again because they can’t sustain it.

When you live in a body with a brain that is not on high alert all the time, the spiritual connections happen easily. You are more able to hear the voice of spirit, remember what you get, and respond to it so that it’s a part of your day-to-day life rather than something you have to go somewhere or do something to experience.

So, lots of benefits to simply relaxing your muscles. A regular meditation, yoga, qigong, breath work, or other type of relaxation practice is also a great idea. 

If you got something of value, please like, share, subscribe, or review the podcast. Or drop me a comment and let me know how it worked for you. I’d love to hear about that. 

And if you want to create an intentional practice of moving from surviving to thriving, join my Tribe. It’s free. The link is in the show notes.

That’s what it’s all about, guys. If you take a pill, do a retreat, or do a plant medicine ceremony, you have an experience. if you learn how to do these kinds of things for yourself, you have a lifestyle that you can share with others.

Who doesn’t want to be anxiety free? Sounds like a no brainer to me.

Happy holidays, guys. Have a wonderful, relaxed new year. I’m Laura Giles. Ciao.